The Seagull Diet; Or, What Really Happened On The Day I Learned To Love The Michigan Seagull

I first closely examined Michigan when I was ten or so, I was throwing darts at a map, in hopes of predicting my future.

The dart hit just west of Detroit, so I studied it pondering if they had real Robot Cops.

I did notice the lakes, but as a boy growing up by the Baltic sea…

My thought process was something like, if they really were that great.. they wouldn't call them lakes.

Now to be fair, once I had my fill of exploring Florida, and the tiny islands of Florida Keys.

Said unto myself, it is time to examine these lakes.

Being surrounded by them, I found a nearest highway, and decided to drive due north until it ended by some beach.

And to this day there is no more reliable method, to get at a proper adventure.

As highways, highway.

I ended up on the central west coast of Michigan, at a small town called Ludington.

My love for seagulls begun with a clear injustice, the first time I arrived at the Ludington beach.

Here the first thing I saw, were cute starving seagulls, standing beneath an angry and legally-binding-looking “do not feed the seagulls” sign.

Not once have I seen anything more cruel, and promptly begun feeding them with everything I had.

Which was healty cheese puffs first, but then nuts and seeds from my traimix.

I didn’t dare to give them candy, though in part because I already pecked it all out.

As I kept returning to Ludington, I would often stop by the sigh, and secretly hand feed them one by one.

As seagull live up to 16 years, I like to think that to this day, I am a god-grand-gand-father to some of Michigan’s population today.

I should mention here that The European Herring Gulls, have been found to live up to 50 years – and what beautiful birds they are.

My love and appreciation for the seagull begun, when I realized they were helping me with my fitness training.

By demanding to eat much of my trail mix, and other heathy snacks.

We’d sit an the Lake Beach together, watching the tourists freaking out about finding seashells.

That I purchased in bulk earlier in the afternoon, at the floral section of the distant supermarket.

Eating, healthy snacks together, and when once I added up all the crumbs I shared.

It turned out, to be just about half my calories for the day.

They helped me, and I helped them.

But my love for the seagull did not come into full bloom, until the day I went to feed the Ludington State Park population.

Now the firs thing I must tell you about, is quite possibly one of the most bizarre stories I know.

When I got done with feeding them, I went to the main beach area, and begun brainlessly scanning around.

All kinds of people were having all kinds of fun, but my brain kept flagging a group of teenagers.

Just bobbing up and down in the sand, looking guilty as heck.

So, I inched closer to see a head sticking out of the sand, they were digging a hole, and it was tall teenager deep.

And the next time they caught my attention, I saw them lifting a huge driftwood.

As straight as you can imagine, and as tall as a lampost.

And it suddenly slid into the hole they dug, with a thump!

At which point they filled in the sides, dis a little dance to stomp the sand around…

and just dispersed, towards their corresponding families.

I looked at the now lonesome pole, and just could not imagine the beach without it.

There was store near by, and the pole looked like it was the very thing, that provided the store with electricity.

And a critical part of the electric infrastructure to boot, which to be honest, was lacking at the beach.

The teenagers found a driftwood that looked like a pole, and spend half an afternoon installing it.

Towards the end, exhausted, and crazed with heat.

But they did it, and I am sure it stands to this day.

As who would want to mess with electricity, at the beach.

Now, for the retelling, and perhaps a confession, of what one of my seagulls was helped to achieve.

As the teenagers were digging the damn hole, I’ve noticed a mom and her little daughter descending from the store.

The little girl clutching a toast she dropped, or maybe some seeds or something.

The mother seemed annoyed, like this was a trip that she did not bargain for.

But she fulfilled the daughters wish, and the little girl holding to her moms hand lifted the snack to feed a seagull.

It was a really cute thing to see, and I immediate appreciated what she was doing, bless her.

But as fate would have it, she same moment she lifted her snack, was also one of the more notable moments in the seagull history.

And while it happened in the blink of an eye, the sound of the event echoed, for a goddie long while.

And I personally believe, I will remember it for life, as it sounded like this: (clap)

It was one of the largest shits a seagull ever gulled, and it went straight at her head.

I looked at the mother, and she was already gagging.

She quickly dragged her daughter away to the bathroom sink, with a quirky smile, that bespoke…

Well at least she won’t ever, want to feed the freaking seagulls again.

I, in a small part almost remember, feeding a fat seagull albatross looking bird.

And it would take an old albatross, to lift so much cargo into the air.

There is no proof it was my feeding that caused this, but that was a traimix load.

Poor little lady, now in the 20s, probably hasn't fed a bird since.

This morning a huge flock greeted me by the gym, as if to check on my progress.

And I have not seen so much mischief and unique character, since I left the wilderness for warmer climes.