The Reason Nobody Dares, To Tell You About The Art Of Fighting Bears

Carrying bear spray is nice, but for bears pepper is a spice.

While bears do appreciate the zest, this outcome is not the best.

Meeting a bear is no time to die, as this would make everyone cry.

Always strive to remember, from frosty January to sunny December.

The fact that bears see you as delicious, comes second to you being precious.

Now, many hikers just annoy the bear with a little bell, spray up wind all over them selves, and then yell.

Just imagine, if you were a bear, and a blind fool ran into where you dwell.

With a great big yell, and again, ringing that annoying little bell.

You’d have to be a weirdo to just watch, at the very least you’d want to approach.

So you can’t just spay towards the bear, you have to spray with great care.

Fighting animals is a dance, a form of art, you have to use your rear, your soul, your heart.

Theatrically grab your bottle of gas, jump up, bend over, and with sass show your ass.

And then jam the bottle between your legs, and spray behind you until the bear begs.

Slowly move the bottle up and around, while making a guttural farting sound.

Without that skank stank and pose, the bear will be conf__u__sed about what you propose.

The act of spraying behind you whilst bent over, clearly spells out: “Hey Bear! the meeting is over.”

Fighitng is all in the body language and pose, it must state: “You are about to regret having a nose”.

And once you do spray... spray with sass, speaking “Hey check out all the eye burning gas, in my fat ass”.

Finally, know that bears learn the body language from the skunk, that often runs up just sprays them as just a prank.

And that not all bears are going to eat you, some just want to see, if they can take a selfie.