Smartly Bonkers; Or, How To Dress For The Gym And Other Unusual Places

Preface

It is never a good idea to tell someone how to dress, they should dress they want to dress.

But there is an exception, and that is when someone dresses mean or scary.

Because that stuff actually works, and friendly strangers will avoid that person.

Therefore, I write this text to those of you, who want to scare everyone away by the way you dress and look.

I hope to change your minds, and make you smile a little.

I used to dress all black, for it is worth, everywhere and all the time.

Hackers do it, programmers do it, pirates do it, ninjas do it, and the goths would rather die than not do it.

Then, a random stranger at a random store then said, “Wouldn't want to run into you in a dark alley.”

And while I suspect he was just really wise, trying to teach me, what I am trying to teach you.

My heart just about exploded, as he convinced me that strangers were scared of me.

You don’t have to dress like bird, of fanciful plumage.

Just add a neat color, maybe an accent, maybe half and half, and you’ll be all good.

And don’t make mean faces, you can make a focused face, busy face, goofy face, but never mean.

Boys, you can’t become a man by lowering the tone of your voice, or being a bad ass, it only makes you look like a hollow person.

Use your won voice, don’t let bullies take that away from you.

If you want to be a bad ass, then become a great being, by listening to thousands of narrated books.

Don’t hide, be a hero, or at least a cheerful sidekick.

Always stand in the light, and never in the shadows.

And when you go on adventures, to a different city or part of the world.

Wear the most colorful swim trunks, with a Hawaiian shirt, even if it is winter.

Consider a cowboy hat, and get serious about a pair of cowboy boots.

And then accessorize, and here I have two words for you, FANNYPACKS EVEYWHERE.

Wear one over your head, like Rambo, you can keep your wallet in there.

One over your shoulder, like Commando, that’s where your keys go.

And then like eight fannypacks, around your waste, like freaking Batman.

That is where you put your phone, and charger, and wall plug adapter, and solar battery, and battery pack, and USB cable.

And extra memory cards, and a fancy docking station with a VGA out.

Actually, might want to carry, some smokebombs in there as well.

Becasue when you are dressed that good, and so freaking well equipped.

You will be the talk, of whatever town you go to.

And everyone in town, will want to talk to you... and ask you questions.

Maybe borrow your docking station, or ask if they can take a photo with you, yeah.

Finally, ask your elder self, do they want you to dress scary and sad.

Or will they have wanted to go though life, befannypacked like a sun of a gun…

Or cheerfully classy, or beautifully handsome, or intelligently balanced, or just smartly bonkers.